How does Gottman advise couples to handle gridlocked conflicts?

Gottman's approach to handling gridlocked conflicts emphasizes the importance of identifying the underlying dreams and needs of each partner. When conflicts feel insurmountable or persistent, they are often rooted in deeper personal aspirations or emotional needs that go unaddressed. Instead of simply seeking surface-level compromises or placing limits on discussions, the focus should be on understanding what each partner truly values and desires.

By exploring these underlying dreams, couples can gain insight into what is truly at stake for each individual in the conflict. This process encourages empathy and connection, allowing partners to support each other’s aspirations rather than just disagreeing over the issue at hand. For instance, one partner may have a dream related to career fulfillment, while the other may prioritize family unity. Understanding these motivations can help guide the couple toward a more constructive dialogue, ultimately leading to resolutions that honor both partners' essential needs and values.

This approach fosters a deeper emotional connection and helps to transform gridlocked conflicts into opportunities for growth within the relationship. It shifts the focus from mere problem-solving to a more meaningful engagement with each other's hopes and dreams, creating a space for collaboration and understanding.