What is the antidote to Defensiveness?

The antidote to defensiveness in relationships, according to Gottman's Method, is accepting responsibility. When a partner feels defensive, it often arises from a perceived attack or criticism from the other partner. By accepting responsibility for one's own role in the conflict, individuals demonstrate accountability and a willingness to engage constructively in the discussion. This helps to de-escalate tension and fosters a more open and supportive dialogue.

Accepting responsibility allows individuals to validate their partner's feelings and acknowledge their contributions to the issue at hand, which signals a commitment to resolving the conflict rather than escalating it. This approach can promote understanding and connection between partners, paving the way for healthier communication patterns.

Practicing self-soothing, turning towards, and avoiding "You" statements are all beneficial strategies for improving communication and reducing conflict. However, these solutions address different aspects of communication dynamics rather than directly countering defensiveness. Accepting responsibility focuses on directly addressing the behavior that often triggers defensiveness, making it a key component in overcoming this barrier to effective communication.