What technique does Gottman recommend for repairing after a conflict?

Gottman emphasizes the importance of using "repair attempts" as a key technique for managing conflicts and repairing relationships following a disagreement. Repair attempts refer to strategies or gestures that partners can use to deescalate tension and restore a sense of safety and connection during or after a conflict. These can include verbal expressions such as apologizing or making light-hearted comments, as well as nonverbal cues such as a reassuring touch.

The reason this approach is effective is that it actively engages both partners to recognize the conflict and seek a resolution instead of allowing the disagreement to escalate further. By applying repair attempts, couples can help to prevent lingering resentment and foster emotional intimacy, ultimately strengthening the relationship.

Listening without response doesn’t engage in the dialogue necessary for repair, and engaging in silent treatment can often exacerbate feelings of disconnection rather than promote healing. While humor can be beneficial in diffusing tension, it may not always be appropriate depending on the context of the conflict, and could be seen as trivializing serious issues. Employing repair attempts aligns more closely with Gottman's principles of fostering healthy communication and relationship maintenance.