When a couple exhibits one of the Four Horsemen, what should a therapist do?

When a couple displays one of the Four Horsemen, which are behaviors that can predict the end of a relationship—criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—the therapist's role becomes crucial in addressing these behaviors immediately. Stopping the interaction allows the therapist to articulate the concerns about these negative communication patterns, helping the couple to recognize the detrimental impact these behaviors can have on their relationship. This intervention not only brings awareness to the problematic interaction but also creates an opportunity for the couple to learn more constructive ways of communicating.

Addressing the issue in the moment fosters a safe space for discussion and demonstrates the therapist's commitment to promoting healthier dynamics. This proactive approach can lead to more effective resolution strategies and assist the couple in breaking the cycles perpetuated by the Four Horsemen.

Other approaches, such as encouraging the couple to continue without interruption, would allow the negative communication patterns to persist unchecked, while redirecting to previous positive experiences may not effectively address the immediate concern. Leaving the room temporarily could create feelings of abandonment or confusion, and thus, it can be counterproductive to the therapeutic process.